Biblical Parenting

Children in this information age seem to be so smart and clever, that parents these days find it extremely difficult to impose their opinion and standards on them. Some parents even wonder whether they should attempt to do so. Let us see what the Word of God has to say about this. Proverbs 22:6 says "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Regarding the method of training, Proverbs 29:15 says "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother."

The rod and reproof can be interpreted as punishment and instruction for the modern-day parent. Both punishment and instruction are necessary for proper up-bringing. While both are necessary, their ratio would differ depending on the age of the child. Children below the age of 12 would generally respond better to punishment than instruction, while older children would respond better to instruction than punishment (if they had been receiving the former while they were younger). This is primarily because older children can understand while being instructed, whereas younger children would lack the necessary wisdom to comprehend a parent's instruction. So while a quick smack on the back would correct a younger kid, a more mature approach involving gentle instructions is required while correcting an older child.

All this is possible only if the child has reverence and respect for his parents. A child who talks back can hardly be controlled or instructed. So it is vitally important that a child is taught from a very young age to respect and implicitly obey his parents. Any sort of rebellion to authority should be very firmly handled the very first time it is noticed. Some secular parents would be amused at terms like implicit obedience and reverence & respect but I am sure most Christian parents understand what we are talking about.

Sometimes kids might look or act mature, but we must always remember that they lack experience and a sense of discernment until they become adults. Unfortunately even adults sometimes display these traits. That only goes on to show how they in turn were raised by their parents without proper discipline and control.

As we saw earlier, the Bible says that a child left to himself brings shame to his parents. But some parents feel that they should let their children alone and not interfere in their affairs. They feel that doing so would enhance their children's individuality. This is an awfully dangerous stand to take. Children need to be controlled. A child does not know what to eat, how long to play, what TV programs to watch and what is bad and what is good for him. Left to himself, he might just eat chocolates and ice cream and watch TV and play video games all day. He simply does not have the sense of discernment necessary to decide what is useful and what is harmful. So it is the parents' duty to control and protect their child so that he is exposed only to things that benefit him and is protected from things that might harm him. Control and protection are in the child's best interests. It is the parents' way of showing that they love the child.

Controlling a child and training him up requires a lot of patience. This takes an awful lot of time and effort and so parents usually fail to implement it. Parents these days rarely find time for this all-important duty. I guess most parents hardly realize what they are getting into when they decide to have a child. If they completely knew the amount of responsibility entrusted to them by God in raising a child, I am sure many would have second thoughts about having kids.

Children need to be controlled until they grow up and learn to control themselves. Once they learn how to apply control and restraint, the parents can slowly withdraw their control over their children. An example will show you how true this is. Think about babies and diapers for a moment. The parents use diapers because the baby has not learnt to control itself. So it has to be controlled from the outside with the help of diapers. Left to itself without diapers, this cute little thing can mess up the whole place in no time. So as a measure of control, the parents use diapers until the child is old enough to be toilet-trained. Once the child knows how to control itself, the diapers are no longer necessary. The very same truth applies to child training. The child needs external control from the parents until he learns to take control of his life.

Control and instruction are not merely options that parents can choose from to raise their children. They are God's mandate to every parent to raise up a Godly generation after them. The task would be made easier if the training starts very early in a child's life. The first and foremost thing that a child needs to learn is reverence and respect for his parents and implicit obedience. An obedient child is easier to control and instruct. Moreover, a child that learns to obey his parents learns to submit to authority. When the child grows up, he will respect and obey his mentors, his superiors, the law of the land and all forms of legitimate authority. Finally, he will learn to obey God. When The Lord one day knocks on the door of his heart, he will readily submit to this Ultimate Authority. All this depends on how well the parents control and instruct their child.

It should be every young parent's endeavor to reach the goal of having their children completely under their control before they attain the age of 12. Reaching that goal past that age is usually an uphill task. Clay lends itself to the potter's hands when it is wet. Once it starts to dry up, it becomes very difficult to shape.

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." - Proverbs 22:6